Another Once
09 Jul 2021The following is a speech I prepared for the reception after my grandfather’s funeral this summer, lightly edited for context. He was a significant influence in my childhood and beyond.
“If you seek inspiration, look to the stars. If you seek wisdom, look to the ground. But if it is purpose that you seek, look at the people around you.”
Pop-Pop was a thinker and a teacher - he always had some idea, new or old, that he wanted to share. He taught me many lessons when I was growing up, like: woodworking, or engineering design, or how to fly a plane when you’re only 9 years old, or how to smash your fingers with a hammer, or the best way to wire up an electrical circuit and only slightly zap yourself.
But the most important lesson that Pop-Pop taught me was what it meant to live a rich, full life. He truly cared about many, many people, and showed it. As a kid, I was obsessed with the normal things, like reading books and math equations and sometimes sports, but Pop-Pop showed me that those types of interests and skills are ancillary to professional success, and especially your personal and family life, if you do not focus on the people around you. I will be unmeasurably lucky if I ever throw a party that has as many guests as his 55th wedding anniversary, or maintain the same number and quality of long-lasting relationships with friends and family.
Pop-Pop showed me how a great man conducts his business. Day after day, year after year, he shows up for the people and causes he supports. He greets even the most unfortunate circumstances with good humor and enthusiasm. He does not falter when faced with adversity. He does not give up caring for those who he loves even when they are unable to show their love in return.
Pop-Pop showed up for all the events in my life, both important and unimportant - birthdays, graduations, church events. He supported me financially so that I could attend private high school even though it wasn’t necessarily the most responsible decision for my family. But all of this pales in comparison to his devotion to my grandmother - BG, as we called her. We lost BG to the late stages of Alzheimer’s nearly four years ago. For over a decade prior to her passing, he cared for her, visited her, fed her, clothed her, daily. I cannot imagine the depths of his pain, as each and every day he could only watch helplessly as the woman he loved so dearly was gradually stolen from him by this horrible disease. In the face of all of this, never once did he hesitate to step up and take action, honorably, despite the unbearable agony he must have endured.
Such is the mark of a great man.
If there’s a single sentence to sum up Pop-Pop’s life from my perspective, it’s a quote from the late American poet Maya Angelou that I’m sure many of you have heard many times over: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” I cannot recount all of the laughs and the lessons that Pop-Pop shared with me over the years. They are innumerable; this speech would not end. But I can attest to you today that my memories and the way I see the world have been forever shaped by his light shining in my life.
Pop-Pop believed greatly in his concept of “a Once” - the singular events that, though they may be similar to many others like them, occur only once in our lives and therefore must be recognized as such and cherished. You only play your first little league game, graduate high school, start your first job, only once. Even though many other people do these exact things, you yourself only ever do them once and that is why he calls them “Onces”. For my twelfth birthday (another “Once”), he wrote me a letter on the subject; there is a copy on the table in the back, please read it.
Pop-Pop was a Once. There has never been, and there never will be, a man just like him.
Pop-Pop, thank you for teaching me that this life is a Once. Thank you for always being there for the Onces in my life.